As a kid, were you a rule-follower or a rule-challenge? And what’s the anecdote that pops into your mind when you determine the answer to the question?
I was a strange blend of both! On one hand, my parents established pretty clear rules in our home around discipline. It was expected that I would always attend prayers, be respectful to my elders, and prioritize schoolwork and homework above all else. I played by these rules both because they lent me a comforting structure to my everyday life, and also because I really wanted to please my parents. I was – and still am – perhaps too much of a people pleaser, which has its dark side.
But on the other hand, I absolutely challenged the expectations set of me in other arenas. I questioned the gender roles I saw in my community. I always wanted to hang out with my uncles and talk politics, and wondered why my aunties didn’t do the same. I rebelled against the idea that science and math were the only subjects that could lend me a future; I insisted on playing classical piano (and almost applied to conservatories to study it as a career), and wrote incessantly.
I left California for college although it was absolutely expected I would stay in-state. I tried to honor the rules that were set, but challenged them when they felt confining. I’ve always had a rebel streak in me, and I found the ways to rebel that weren’t too self-destructive.
What was your favorite toy or game growing up?
I REALLY loved She-Ra. I remember pining away for the dolls and horses and the crystal palace that she and her sisters lived in. I got the castle for my birthday when I was eight years old, and would take it around the house with me, totally unwilling to part with it. I also really loved playing soccer, although I was incredibly bad at it. The name of the first AYSO team I played on was the Screaming Yellow Zonkers. I think that might have been some sort of snack at the time.
Does your first name have a special meaning?
“Sunita” means the one with good qualities – quite a lot to live up to! It’s an old school Indian girl’s name, akin to the name “Barbara.” Sometimes, people are surprised that I am a young woman, as my name was more common in decades past. My parents debated whether they should even give me an Indian name, as they worried I would be teased in the United States.
While it’s endlessly annoying to have my name mispronounced – or to have people say “Can I just call you Sunny?” – I have often found that people actually really love my name and comment on its beauty. But when I call in for take out or need to give my name to the barista at Starbucks, I use a pseudonym – Ana, the name of my best friend. It’s just easier. 🙂
Do you have a life motto?
I have two: “All things are temporary,” which comes from the Hindu philosophy my parents taught me from an early age. When I am having a really tough time, I try very hard to remember this, not only because it is true, but because embracing it helps me to remember that everything I experience has an end. This applies both to the great things and the hard things. I am able to more fully enjoy moments of joy, knowing they will ultimately pass, and to endure moments of hardship, knowing that they, too, will pass.
The other motto I have comes from Maya Angelou: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Although this may sound a bit negative, it has been transformative for me. For better or worse, I am the sort of person who tries very hard to see the positive in people and to justify their behavior when it has been hurtful or disrespectful. Learning to see people for who they are based on how they choose to treat you and others is a tough skill to learn. I’m learning now to trust that how someone makes me feel is a very real and reliable source of information to guide how I will interact with them. Brushing aside my instincts has led me to very tough situations in the past. I remember Maya’s words of wisdom often.
When you’re having a stressful or sad day, what do you do to make yourself feel better?
I am very lucky to have a very supportive and loving family, and my brother in particular is the one I call when I am feeling sad or stressed out. I find comfort in exercise so I try to go to a workout or yoga class, which almost always helps.
I also love to dance – and dancing bhangra, a dance that comes from my family’s home state of Punjab, India, is particularly soothing for me. There’s something about being in your body and dancing to upbeat, high-energy music that helps me to find my joy again. Some colleagues have found me dancing in the stairwell of the hospital to center myself when I’m having a hard day. Slightly embarrassing, but very much the truth!
I also find a lot of comfort in the outdoors, and enjoy walking in the park near my home. There is also a park across the street from the hospital, and Ill often go on walks by myself when I need to check out and tend to my emotions.
What song do you have to sing aloud to whenever you hear it?
“We Found Love” by Rihanna! It came out during my residency when I was covering the ICUs at UCSF. I remember hearing it for the first time on the radio when driving home and instantly fell in love with it. If it comes on during a workout class, I sing my heart out even though I’m about to collapse. Another song I adore is “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty. I can’t listen to it without singing it aloud – even in yoga class, where the instructor played it once!
What’s the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given you?
My brother and I went to Ireland when I was wrapping up my medical training, and he made a picture book of our time there, complete with funny captions. I keep it on the desk where I write, and flip through it often. I also deeply value the cards and letters that people write to me. My parents wrote me a particularly thoughtful card this past Christmas, and I read it almost every day.
One of the best gifts I’ve recently given myself is the gift of my dog, Ruhi. He’s a German Shepherd/Mallinois mix who I rescued in July. His presence is a real gift to me, even when he chews up my shoes and barks at other dogs. He follows me around the house, and looks genuinely sad when I leave. The care and love we have for each other is unlike anything I’ve experienced before.
What helps you transition from Dr. Puri to Sunita the individual?
I really try to intertwine Sunita with Dr. Puri, as I have never been the sort of physician who divorces her personhood from her doctoring. I am always professional with my patients, but I incorporate my sense of humor and lightheartedness with them, and try to be as real of a person as I can be. It’s a major way I think I’m able to connect with people amidst often tragic circumstances. But when I leave work, I always blast music on my way home from the hospital (some combination of hip hop, bhangra and rock). I take Ruhi for a walk and feed my cats Comet and Chiclet. I call someone I love, and often go out for dinner or drinks with people i love. I try and work out. I basically am the same person but in an environment that is totally mine, and I find ways to relax and enjoy myself.